Friday, August 28, 2009

Catching Up

So far it has been about seven months since we decided to give spanking another try. As I mentioned in my previous post I brought up the idea of spanking about three years ago and was first spanked half heartedly about a year ago. Although spanking was initially a flop and is still "experimental" or "we are trying it" my wife being in charge of all sex has not changed. It has been that way since I first seriously proposed the idea about three years ago. Initially she would ask if I was okay with it and if I wanted to have a little more say. Although it was difficult I stuck with my decision and have kept on track. It is very clear now that she does not want to go back to the old way and I can't blame her. Things sexually are very good and she is more open and has gradually become more and more naturally dominant sexually.

Honestly I think she was quite happy with the arrangement and only asked because I would talk about her being in charge sexually fairly often otherwise she never mentioned it, she just acted as if she were in charge and quite frankly was. I believe she also asked out of concern that if I talked about it I may not have been happy or was reconsidering and she wanted to be "fair".

The reason I spoke of her being in charge often were several: I needed regular clear reminders that she was in charge, and I never initiated sex so this was the closest thing since I never was assertive sexually with her since that day I agreed she was in charge. I don't think she really understood my need for her to occasionally be very clear that she was the boss. She was most definitely in charge but I needed more in your face type of reminders. Rachel also can be quiet and sometimes isn't comfortable talking about some intimate things. I really wanted to know what she felt. All actions and conversation indicated she was happy but I needed to be 110% sure. She is very clear now that she wants it to remain this way and not change back. Interestingly enough in this relationship the man is the bigger communicator.

So, here we are "trying" spanking just like we "tried" her being in charge of sex. I see very similar parallels. Rachel stops using words like "trying" and starts using words like "expect". Although she still expresses some hesitation about spanking and may go awhile without spanking she does go back to it. And I don't think it is strictly because I have expressed that I feel it is helping and working. I think she has seen some of the results. Although I spoke initially more of erotic spankings I quickly gravitated more toward real spankings and maintenance spankings. Rachel has seen the results and has said she is much more comfortable spanking (and by all accounts can really spank) she still has that side that occasionally struggles with using force and some pain. It in many ways is against a women's loving nature although I think she is understanding the loving side of spanking a man that needs guidance and direction. She is also seeing results! I'll write a quick post in a day or two about a simple spanking that got her exactly something she wanted. It surprised me and I did as told and have not wavered.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Mrs. Green and Her Friend Pay a Visit

You may be wondering what the title means. Those are the names I have given to the brushes that Rachel uses when she gives me an OTK spanking.

Spanking most certainly did not happen over night for us. It was a journey that started three years ago with Rachel becoming totally in charge of sex. At the time I brought up spanking but the concept did not really fly with Rachel. Two years later I got my first spanking. It was pretty much a bust. The initial spanking was done half heartedly and wasn't even remotely "firm" or stern even though there was good reason to be very firm. It wasn't even an hour before I really deserved another spanking. This did not sit well with Rachel and almost ended the idea of spanking all together.

I just didn't take the spanking she gave me very seriously. It was very mild and just didn't seem genuine to me. The idea pretty much died and it was at least six months before spanking was discussed seriously again. In the mean time however she did start to swat my butt at times while having sex. I think initially this was done as a compromise but I think that helped keep the door and concept open. I also think that she began to like doing it as well. Of course during this entire time she was in charge of sex and was becoming progressively more dominant and very comfortable with being very in charge of what, when and how sex was to happen. (see previous post) She definitely liked "being in charge of sex" and as she says "I expect you to be obedient and do as I say". She is very clear that she wants it this way and doesn't plan on going back. It is also slowly becoming more evident to me that her "being in charge" is beginning to spill over to other areas of our life.

Spanking is still very new to us and is being tested out. All signs are that it is truly effective for me for reasons I can't fully articulate or even understand but I accept. It is has become much easier to discuss spanking and discipline and I believe seems more normal or acceptable to Rachel. It seems totally normal to me now. I think it may be here to stay.

Several months ago we gave spanking another try. This time she was definitely more open and involved shall we say. Unfortunately she quickly discovered that spanking tended to hurt her hand. Because of this she did not spank particularly firm or for very long. I didn't tell her, but deep down I felt that they needed to be firmer. I was beginning to think this wasn't going to work for us. Ladies please note: interestingly, many sites suggest to women spankers that they "shouldn't disappoint" their man and that they should be "very firm." Well, I am here to say that ultimately they are correct. Well, at least for me.

When we decided to give it a another try Rachel had probably read very little or nothing about spanking and wasn't familiar with it. She did not experience spankings as a child. I recommended a few Web sites and foolishly suggested using a brush if it hurt her hand too much or if she needed to give a very firm spanking. I had never experienced a brush but many of the blogs and sites I read all mentioned utilizing a hair brush. I felt deep down that at this point in my life I needed LFA that included spanking. I was ready to commit just as I had when I gave all sexual authority to Rachel three years ago.

I sent Rachel a few links to sites such as My Bottom Smarts that discussed spanking and a link to a site that sold very attractive wooden paddles. It wasn't all that easy to find sites that wouldn't initially freak her out. So many sites are extreme or pretty much fantasy with leather clad dommes. Even well intentioned sites such as DWC (Disciplinary Wives Club) seem a bit too extreme, particularly for newbees or women that feel it may be physical abuse.

Anyway, we decided to give spanking a try again. Although we both mostly talked about "play" spankings I also talked about real spankings and the need for "firmness" and discipline. After one, hand only, spanking things changed.....Rachel didn't "disappoint". The very next spanking was approached as "play" but most definitely had an underlying message. She started off with her hand but to my total surprise reached under the pillow and quickly pulled out Mrs. Green for some very firm swats. Mrs Green is the plastic green brush pictured above. Rachel was amazingly "firm" for a "play" spanking and didn't seem to have an issue with swatting very firmly. Needless to say my bottom was very red! She also picked up the technique of wrapping her leg over mine to hold me in place. I could squirm and feel her amazingly soft, smooth strong legs but I really couldn't get away. I was quickly saying "yes ma'am" to any and everything. Later Rachel admitted that she had swatted her bottom a few times with Mrs Green prior to using her on me. She said it certainly stung. This really surprised me since she really gave me a solid spanking even after she knew how much the brush could sting. I think that was a major shift for her.

Afterward Rachel soothed my reddened bottom and allowed me to hug her leg. She then removed her undies and placed me firmly via a hair tug so my face was situated on her thigh looking right at her beautiful pussy. She kept me there for a nice long time as I rubbed her legs. Eventually she told me I was allowed to touch her fur which is manicured into a nice little landing strip. After about ten minutes of teasing and feeling her hand firmly on my head Rachel told me to kiss her lips as she tugged me firmly into position to lick. I spent the next 30-45 minutes lovingly following her firm hair tugs and guidance tasting and enjoying all her juices. It was like a wonderful dance.....Rachel leading and me magically following all her guidance.

Much to my surprise a few weeks later I went out and bought Rachel a high quality boars hair wooden brush. Let's just say that she has paid a visit and much to my surprise stings even more than Mrs. Green.

If you have any ideas on a good name for Mrs. Green's friend feel free to make a suggestion in the comments section.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

How it All Began Part l

Many of you may be wondering how this all began. It isn't all that common that a man gets put over his wife's knee and spanked. it may be a bit more common than one thinks but it certainly is kept fairly quiet.

By all accounts Rachel and I are a pretty typical couple if there is such a thing. If anyone was dominant in the relationship it would be me. I tended to call most if not all of the shots and have a fairly strong personality. In a crisis I am a take charge kind of guy and have never been afraid to stand up for myself. This is both a blessing and a curse. As I always say, someone's biggest strength is also their biggest weakness.

I tend to be more up and down and aggressive or confrontational while Rachel is very even tempered and willing to avoid conflict. So, how does the "aggressor" end up OTK?

About three years ago we were going through a pretty tough patch in our marriage. It was the closest I ever came to a divorce or asking to separate. Although there was more than one issue the one that stood out to me the most and the one that hit me at my "core" was the lack of "feeling" of love between us. As part of that, our sex life, although frequent was taking a turn for the worse. I was craving sex and attention and focusing on it and becoming obsessed. The more I felt we were drifting apart the more I wanted/needed sex. It was the reassurance I needed that things were okay although they weren't. This constant need just divided us more and was becoming a wedge that soon may cause a split. Although I was desperately trying to open up communication the more I wanted to talk the more Rachel pulled away. The conversation was usually one sided (me talking) and was a major frustration point for me. I will write a blog about spousal communication sometime since that is an entire subject in itself.

So for now to make this part of the post shorter I will give you the abridged version. Rachel pretty much let me know that my sexual demands were too frequent etc. As I said earlier this hit me at my "core". Although I can be aggressive and a major flirt I have always been the guy that waited for the women to make the first move. I did this to avoid rejection, and to be sure that I wasn't misreading the situation. I always wanted to be sure it was okay to move forward sexually. Bottom line sexually I am a pleaser. Having been with Rachel a long time this trait eventually fell to the wayside.

Over the weeks/months Rachel eventually opened up more and more about my need for too much sex and how she felt. Out of frustration and in a more fighting tone I offered to only have sex if she initiated. I think we both felt that this "solution" I proposed was mostly done out of frustration and during a tension filled moment. Eventually I came to realize that her being in charge is what it must be and that I ultimately needed Rachel's guidance as to sex, (when, where, type) if we were to survive. It became apparent to me that although frustrated and very close to walking away I would recommit and give all sexual control to Rachel. Don't get me wrong, to me it wasn't entirely about sex, for me it was the feeling of not being cared for or loved. Sex was just the symbol or metaphor. I had to have faith.

So I did what any geek would do. I turned to the Web and after seeing lots of porn and other crap I came upon LFA - Loving Female Authority, Females spanking men etc. I must admit I found much of it interesting as well as erotic. I have always liked or been attracted to sexually aggressive women or confident women.

I found several serious or semi-serious sites about female led relationships and eventually spanking. Although I understood their core values I could see how they could and for the most part come across as manipulative or too extreme. I read them and decided to give all sexual control to Rachel. Giving and doing are two different things my friends. I also started on the concept of some level of general "stealth submission". A concept mentioned on many of these sites. I will write a post on that as well.

I introduced the idea of Rachel having complete sexual authority. I was serious, calm, willing and at least offering some sort of solution. She understood and accepted. I am proud to say once the idea was agreed upon in theory I totally committed and no matter how difficult I have never wavered in close to three years. I take great pride in that and ultimately know it is best for me to accept my loving wife's authority.

So, what does this have to do with spanking!? I'm getting there. As many of you know that these things take time. Patience and commitment are major virtues.

More to come in a day or two.....