Tuesday, August 4, 2009

How it All Began Part l

Many of you may be wondering how this all began. It isn't all that common that a man gets put over his wife's knee and spanked. it may be a bit more common than one thinks but it certainly is kept fairly quiet.

By all accounts Rachel and I are a pretty typical couple if there is such a thing. If anyone was dominant in the relationship it would be me. I tended to call most if not all of the shots and have a fairly strong personality. In a crisis I am a take charge kind of guy and have never been afraid to stand up for myself. This is both a blessing and a curse. As I always say, someone's biggest strength is also their biggest weakness.

I tend to be more up and down and aggressive or confrontational while Rachel is very even tempered and willing to avoid conflict. So, how does the "aggressor" end up OTK?

About three years ago we were going through a pretty tough patch in our marriage. It was the closest I ever came to a divorce or asking to separate. Although there was more than one issue the one that stood out to me the most and the one that hit me at my "core" was the lack of "feeling" of love between us. As part of that, our sex life, although frequent was taking a turn for the worse. I was craving sex and attention and focusing on it and becoming obsessed. The more I felt we were drifting apart the more I wanted/needed sex. It was the reassurance I needed that things were okay although they weren't. This constant need just divided us more and was becoming a wedge that soon may cause a split. Although I was desperately trying to open up communication the more I wanted to talk the more Rachel pulled away. The conversation was usually one sided (me talking) and was a major frustration point for me. I will write a blog about spousal communication sometime since that is an entire subject in itself.

So for now to make this part of the post shorter I will give you the abridged version. Rachel pretty much let me know that my sexual demands were too frequent etc. As I said earlier this hit me at my "core". Although I can be aggressive and a major flirt I have always been the guy that waited for the women to make the first move. I did this to avoid rejection, and to be sure that I wasn't misreading the situation. I always wanted to be sure it was okay to move forward sexually. Bottom line sexually I am a pleaser. Having been with Rachel a long time this trait eventually fell to the wayside.

Over the weeks/months Rachel eventually opened up more and more about my need for too much sex and how she felt. Out of frustration and in a more fighting tone I offered to only have sex if she initiated. I think we both felt that this "solution" I proposed was mostly done out of frustration and during a tension filled moment. Eventually I came to realize that her being in charge is what it must be and that I ultimately needed Rachel's guidance as to sex, (when, where, type) if we were to survive. It became apparent to me that although frustrated and very close to walking away I would recommit and give all sexual control to Rachel. Don't get me wrong, to me it wasn't entirely about sex, for me it was the feeling of not being cared for or loved. Sex was just the symbol or metaphor. I had to have faith.

So I did what any geek would do. I turned to the Web and after seeing lots of porn and other crap I came upon LFA - Loving Female Authority, Females spanking men etc. I must admit I found much of it interesting as well as erotic. I have always liked or been attracted to sexually aggressive women or confident women.

I found several serious or semi-serious sites about female led relationships and eventually spanking. Although I understood their core values I could see how they could and for the most part come across as manipulative or too extreme. I read them and decided to give all sexual control to Rachel. Giving and doing are two different things my friends. I also started on the concept of some level of general "stealth submission". A concept mentioned on many of these sites. I will write a post on that as well.

I introduced the idea of Rachel having complete sexual authority. I was serious, calm, willing and at least offering some sort of solution. She understood and accepted. I am proud to say once the idea was agreed upon in theory I totally committed and no matter how difficult I have never wavered in close to three years. I take great pride in that and ultimately know it is best for me to accept my loving wife's authority.

So, what does this have to do with spanking!? I'm getting there. As many of you know that these things take time. Patience and commitment are major virtues.

More to come in a day or two.....


Rob said...

Interesting. I'm looking forward to reading more of how you ended up in this kind of relationship. It is a very powerful dynamic.

Widgets said...

This sounds very familiar and when I was confronted about being in charge: well as they say; the rest is history.

Anonymous said...

Yup, very familiar. The first steps are always the hardest.


Hermione said...

Richard - I'm glad you are explaining how this came about in you relationship. I for one am always curious, and can't wait to read the next installment.